I have something
I need to tell you. A few posts back I told you about my first day of college
and how it triggered my anxiety. Well, my anxiety got even worse, I didn’t
sleep and suffer from many panic attacks. After that week I talked with my
parents and asked for advice from my psychologist and decided it was better to quit, because it was too big of a
step and there was just too much coming at me in a short period of time.
This felt a bit
like failing and I was afraid I would end up sitting home again with no life,
so after I decided to quit I found almost immediately a plan B. A writing study/course
of 18 months, 15 hours a week and every month one meeting with my classmates and
teacher. This is going to start this Saturday. But because I still want to keep
pushing to get more out of my comfort zone I’m being busy and trying hard to
find a job and I decided that it would be time to share my blog with all the
people I know. You might know that sharing my blog is pretty hard and scary for
me, up till to today my blog is a secret (except for my parents who I shared my
blog with a few weeks ago). I’m afraid about what people might think about me
and my blog. But it’s a step I’m willing to make.
After that, the study
journalism turned out not to work my self-confidence crumbled a little and my
anxiety started messing my head up by telling me I’m not good enough, that I will
fail with this course as well, etc. It's gotten so bad this week, because of the
insecurity of starting this course, missing a couple of books and not being
able to let it go and let the study be, that I got physically ill because all
the stress and anxiety. Of course, my sensible side (which I do have, only it
isn’t as strong) tells me that what my anxiety tells me is mostly untrue. Like my
mom tells me, everything is going to be okay and that I will just have to let
it rest for now.
Good for you to have a plan B which I think is working out just fine. Your mom is right you know. Everything's gonna be okay so just hang in there. This redirection will surely bring you to a much better place. Better than what you have planned or could ever plan.
BeantwoordenVerwijderenThank you, this is so sweet of you to say!
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