Clothes closeup week 4, it's Christmas!

 

 

 

December 21
Skirt: Second-hand
Shirt: Asos
Tights: Primark
Necklace: England Stone Henge

December 22
Sweater: Asos
Trousers: Secondhand

December 25
Shirt: Topshop
Jumpsuit: American Apparel
Necklace: On Holiday

I made it, it's Christmas, I've posted 25 posts in one

I made it, it’s Christmas, I’ve posted 25 posts in one month.

 

 

 

My face for Christmas, Tomorrow it's Christmas

Originally I planned this post to be different.  I planned there to be a picture of me with a Christmassy makeup look that I would where on 25^th. However, there are two problems with that. 1. I just didn’t feel comfortable with having a picture of my face up-close right now. 2. As it turns out (of course I knew this already) I sort of suck at doing makeup and nobody would learn anything from it or gets inspiration for the 25^th. So there will be no picture or explanation on how I will do my makeup, instead I will go through what I will use and some of my accessories.

Mascara: Maxfactor 2000 calorie
Blush: Hema
Highlighter: Hema. I was on the hunt for a highlighter when I came across this one for only €5 and it is a pretty one as well
Browdrama & Brow satin: Maybeline.
Color tattoo 24h: Maybeline
Eyeshadow: Bodyshop
Infallible 24h matte foundation: L’oreal Paris. My first proper foundation I ever bought.

Lipstick: Chanel, Rouge coco 36 Lune Rousse. I bought it a couple of years ago, because I thought the colour was exactly what I was looking for. I had never spent so much on a lipstick and it is only now I actually wear it.

Headband: Asos. I bought this one in the sale. I wanted a headband for a while, but could never find one for a reasonable price and pretty until I saw this. It’s perfect for making my hair look cute, especially now since I’m growing out my hair again.
Perfume: vanilla fragrance from the Bodyshop. I love the smell of vanilla, so it was only a matter of time I would buy myself the fragrance in perfume form. 

 Earrings: &other stories

What about December, 1 day until Christmas

The last couple of days this month I really struggled with finding posts to fill up what is left of my 25 posts in a month challenge. It’s because of this that I decided to write about how I experienced this past month’s challenge.

Well, it wasn’t quite what I expected. I expected it would be easier I suppose, that it would take less time and that my anxiety would be less triggered. I had no space left to do anything else creative, which I had planned. My head was constantly filled with to do lists and would go over and over those lists out of worry I would not make it.
This December I’ve done a lot of things that lay far away from my comfort zone; filming in public areas, in two of my posts, my face is to be seen (yes I feel insecure about  that), I have been posting posts and videos that could be read by anyone that is familiar and anyone who is not and I even give my opinion on something. Alright, I knew most of this already, I’ve always felt a little nervous when I posted something. But normally there was some time in between where I could pretend I did not or at least to get used to it. Now it was something that needed to be happening every single day.

Not that it was all bad, I have learned a lot about myself and my blog. Had a lot of practice with editing. Learned that I much rather take the time to create a post and create it the best I can than to do it quickly because it needs to be up soon. I feel much more confident that way. I discovered what posts I like to make and which ones I don’t. For example, I discovered that I really enjoyed making the clothes close-up videos (week 1, week 2 & week 3) more than I thought I would. So much even that I might make it into a monthly thing (not weekly, I do not have that many clothes). Don’t you worry my blog won’t turn into a fashion blog, there are people who can do that better, it will only be something extra to enjoy.
I’ve learned more about what direction I want my blog to take.

But above all I proved myself I could do this, I had my doubts. And of course to push myself out of my comfort zone is a good thing too.

Inspiration for the new year, 2 days until Christmas

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Because this year has only a few more days left I thought it was a good time for a small dose of inspiration for the year that comes.



Everything is turning Christmas, 3 days until Christmas

   

Christmas market, 4 days until Christmas

Clothes closeup week 3, 5 days until Christmas

 

December 15
Jumper: Asos
Dress: C&A
Tights: Primark

December 17
Jumper: Asos
Trousers: Second-hand
Shoes: Tamaris

December 18
Jumper: Second-hand
Jeans: Only

Don't look down, 6 days until Christmas

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It was Carrie from itswaypastmybedtime who inspired me to write this post, with this video.

So I’m not in college or university and I do not know if in the future I will. I’m just taking a small course, one that’s teaching me exactly what I wish to learn and need to learn. However, I’ve noticed that some people I come across in life don’t seem to think that is valid. They keep asking me what study I’m going to do, what college, what university I will go to.
For a long while I felt pretty shit about it, guilty and a failure (I had tried, but my anxiety got in the way). I felt that because of this my opinion wasn’t valid or not quite worth as a person. But then I realized that I found a route that is more fitted to me, it might be more of a long way round, but I believe this will end up getting me where I wish to end up. And quite frankly, having a degree in college and university doesn’t mean you can look down on someone who has not (for whatever reason they might have: not enough money, a mental or physical disability, not the way for them or because of some other personal trouble).

I find it ridiculous to look down on someone, whether that is because what study they have done or not done, skin colour, how much or how little money they have. It’s a mistake.
I have a brother who is autistic and finds it hard to concentrate on books and learning from them and even though he is now 18 years old in years in mind he is only 14 years. This causes him not going to college and people think he’s stupid and think he can’t do much at all or even think people like him would not fit in society. Boy, how wrong are they. Because quite frankly, he is not stupid. He knows a lot, he just learns it a different way. He learns by doing and experiencing. You can in fact have a normal conversation with, unlike what some others think. And it makes me so angry, what gives them the right to think they’re better.

Of course, there are some profession you really should go to college or university, I would trust a surgeon without the right papers to cut me open. But a college or university is not what valid a person, what makes a person worth your while. From life alone you can learn so much and sometimes those people who didn’t go to college and university have great ideas others, who have, might never come up with it.
The only people you may look down on, are people who bring others down, people who have done most terrible things. Because that is what is really stupid.

Our Christmas tree, 7 days until Christmas

 

This year we have a wonderful pretty Christmas tree. It’s been a while since we had such a beauty. There no gaps, where branches need to be. It’s nicely and evenly filled up. I love this time of year, the room is constantly filled with the amazing smell Christmas trees tend to bring with them. And then you also have the fun of decorating it.

London day 4, 8 days until Christmas

 

Day 4, Thursday 26 November 2015,

It’s the last day, tonight we will fly back to the Netherlands. Today we have planned all the left over thing. Going to Nothing Hill, because there were some scarfs people wanted to buy. Ice skating in the Hyde Park, because last time we had no time to. The days were planned too full. Ice skating was fun, although my feet would tell a different story, but that doesn’t matter because overall I enjoyed it.

Having a proper lunch, there wouldn’t be much time to have a proper dinner tonight. A Burger it is. I decided to have a vegetarian burger, I wasn’t feeling it to eat meat.
I wanted to have a look at the Lush on Oxford street and give the solid lipstick a try, we had a little walk. Then the time was up, we had to go back to our hotel, pick up our suitcases and start our journey back home.

This time we had time to empty our bladders before we had to get on the plane. Although the way back they were stricter, we could bring less fluids than before and had to throw some things away. We were not allowed to have another separate handbag, which definitely caused some panic. I have a bulky camera bag that had to find its way to one of our suitcases.
When we almost fitted all our stuff into the back, we were told that there wasn’t any room for our suitcases anyway and that we could take our handbags out again. Our suitcases would go where the big suitcases always go.

It was evening so the flight was in the dark. I love to see the lights from above of both cities. London has more rounder forms than Amsterdam, in Amsterdam there are a lot more squares and straight lines.
We land, but our journey is not over yet, we have to drive home still. This time the roads are empty which makes the journey a whole lot faster.

Grandma’s home, we sit and talk a bit about what this trip was like, what we liked the most and have a little snack. But because it’s late, it is time for me to go home. My mom was so kind to pick me up, gladly so I couldn’t bare another night like the first (with no sleep at all). It’s an hour drive and we will not be back until 01:45 am. I’m exhausted but glad to be home where everything is up to size. Everything was small in London, the toilet, the sink, the mirror was too low to see my face and I was too tall for the shower. I had to bend my knees to fit my head under, but I couldn’t bend forward to do the same thing because the shower was too narrow. But here at home, I have all the space I need and clean towels (no hairs are found, not even dog ones and we have a Newfoundlander) and clean floor with no mud stains or anything, no cracks in the walls our poorly painted ceilings as we did in the hotel. I was home had a clean bed waiting for me and very soft pajama pants. It’s funny you feel so much more cleaner when you shower the first time your home after a vacation or trip and how incredibly create the bed feels. No spirals sticking in my back or a pillow so flat you can hardly call it a pillow. I can tell you I never slept so good and didn’t want to leave the bed  next morning.

I have enjoyed London incredibly so, even though there were moments my anxiety and OCD took over. And to be honest, I feel proud that I did so well, because before I would go I had my doubts I would make it through these four days. It’s definitely good to leave your comfort zone every now and then and push yourself to do what you are afraid of. It’s only then you will grow and change to be a better and stronger you.
 

Driving fun?, 9 days until Christmas

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I know there are many people who love to drive, who find it something fun and relaxing. I’m just not one of them. It might be because my wandering mind that isn’t allowed to wander when driving. Perhaps it’s responsibility or the possibility an accident might happen. I just do not feel confident behind the wheel. I did when the driversintructer was still next to me and had a break himself, so he could take control if it was needed.

When I was still learning and had a lesson every week, my driversintructer (especially in the beginning) told me he was worried about me not always a 100% there. Of course I wasn’t, Daydreaming was and still is something I did when I sat in a car staring out the window. Obviously this habit was something that needed to be gone when I am sitting behind the wheel. But it still doesn’t come or feels natural not to do and adds quite a bit of extra stress, as I need to tell myself constantly I need to focus and that my mind should not wander. Another is that I find myself often that the car isn’t doing exactly what I wish to do. But perhaps this all will get better if I start to drive more often and get used to be behind the wheel. It was last October last year I passed my drivers exam, but the times I have driven can probably be counted on both hands.

Oliebollen, 10 days until Christmas

 

It’s a tradition to eat them on new years eve. From as long as I can remember we been making them every year our self. First with the help of a box with the ingredients in them and the how to on the back, but for a good couple of years we have been making them from scratch. And let that be the recipe I’m going to share today.

Personally, I love them, on new years eve I eat so much it makes me sick and sometimes I even eat a little more. But it is definitely something healthy (even if you put an apple in it), it won’t do anything good for your diet that’s for sure. But it is just that one day right.

Ingredients:
7 g dry yeast
1 tbsp of caster sugar
250 ml milk, heated
275 g flour
125 g raisins
1 green apple (or any apple you prefer that is not too wet, I used a red one out of one of the trees in our garden)
You don’t have to put in an apple or raisins, without anything at all or just the raisins and I even read a recipe where they used pumpkin, just be creative and put in what you like.
2 eggs
2 tsp of  lemon or orange zest (whatever you prefer, but it isn’t a necessity. Often there is no zest in here, but I liked the taste of a little orange zest in there)
Oil to fry them in
Icing sugar, to sprinkle on top.

How to:
1. Put the Yeast. 1 tsp of the caster sugar and 60 ml of the milk (warm) in a bowl and give it a stir. Leave this mixture for about 10 min in a warm spot (we used the oven on 100 ◦C) until the mixture gets foamy. (Start again when it doesn’t foam, there needs to be a layer of foam on top of the mixture)
2. Sieve the flour in a big bowl and stir in the left over sugar, raisins and apple. Create a small dimple in the middle and pour in the remaining milk, the yeast mixture, eggs and the zest. Mix with a non-serrated knife/blade until it’s at a batter.
Leave it to rise for 30 min, with a moist towel to cover up. I used the oven again on 100◦C to do this, because our house was not warm enough to make the dough rise.
Mix the batter/dough one more time. The mixture has to drop from the spoon in one go.
3. Fill a deep pan with the oil and let it heat until 180◦C or until a small piece of bread would be attacked by bubbles immediately (turn brown in 15 seconds). It’s important the oil is hot enough.
Make with two tablespoons, small balls of the mixture and drop carefully into the oil. Usually 3 balls can be cooked at the same time, but it depends on how large your pan is, but they need room to flow around a bit. Bake them until golden brown. If the balls are perfectly round they should turn to their other sides by themselves, if not you may help them a little with a fork.
When they're golden brown, take them out of the oil (I used a sieve to do this), and lay them on some paper towel to leak some of the excess oil out. After that you can serve them on a plate and sprinkle a good amount of icing sugar on top and on the side to dip them in.

You can still eat them the next day, either cold or put them in the oven for a couple of minutes on low heat.

Finding a little bit of Christmas, 11 days until Christmas

Clothes Closeup week 2, 12 days until Christmas

 

 December 8
Shirt: Asos
Skirt: Vintage
Tights: Primark
Socks: Primark
Shoes: Tamaris
Neckless: a shop when I was on holiday, somewhere by a castle

 

December 9
Sweater: Asos
Trousers: Homemade

December 11
Shirt: Asos
Skirt: Used to be my moms
Tights: Primark
Neckless: Market
Hanger: Used to be my moms

London day 3, 13 days until Christmas

 

Day 3 Wednesday, 25 November 2015, 

After yet another night full of sleep, we walked towards the tower bridge, another classic when it comes to trips to London. We had passed it yesterday evening on the bus as well, but wanted to see it during the daylight as well. Plus a great point to walk from along the Thames. From the first of December there would have been an adorable Christmas market, but unfortunately we won’t be there then.

Next stop the St. Pauls cathedral, it’s huge and beautiful. Perhaps a bit strange, but I thought the backside with the trees was much prettier than the front. I guess that’s just a matter of opinion. We only went a few steps inside, but thought it was too expensive to go in. But just seeing it was good enough for now.

There is a whole lot more to do, so up to the next stop. Kings cross, to see 9 ¾ something that warmed my Harry Potter heart very much. And the shop next to it was of much my delight as well and would have bought everything in the store if I had enough money, but I didn’t so I had to make some choices.
Kings cross was just a quick stop, now it was about the books. I had chosen two bookshops I wanted to go to. One a second hand, where I bought four Narnia books. The next bookshop was better than I imagined, Persephone books. The atmosphere was a delight, the books beautiful. The atmosphere was so good that without anxiety I asked the saleslady for help. This is something I never do, I always feel so nervous and anxious in stores, especially when it’s quiet inside and it was. But when I decide to step towards a saleslady I get all nervous, I stutter and no words come out of my mouth like I intended. In this store nothing, just a normal conversation. The lady was so excited and was telling about the books in such a passionate way that it made it very easy for me to ask for help in finding a book. I didn’t knew where to start so any help was needed and now I have a book I’m excited to start to read.
So if you ever find yourself in London and you happen to be a book lover, I recommend to go and have a look in this bookshop yourself. I know I will the next time I’m around.

Now we had my highlight of the trip we had planned to go to Oxford street and see the Christmas lights. By this time my mood had changed drastically, my exhaustion had caught up with me and because of the many people that walk in Oxford street my anxiety got triggered. Not to mention that my feet were killing me and the heavy bag full of books we had no time to drop off. It was almost the entire time I was on Oxford street I felt this way, but luckily it melted away eventually. 

09:00 pm time to get some dinner before we head towards the hotel again.

What was I happy to finally lay in bed and have a proper rest to my swollen feet.

 

 

 

 

The Persephone shop: 59 Lamb's Conduit Street London.

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Applebeignets, 14 days until Christmas

 

I love to eat these. It is something we eat only on new years eve and comes with its own tradition. Calling my grandmother for the recipe, even though we know it by heart and isn’t at all that hard to remember.

There are many different recipes for Apple beignets, but this one is the one I use and also suitable for vegans. As there is no use for milk, eggs or any other animal relatable foods.
It is not a recipe with exact measurement, it is one by feel.

Ingredients:
1 bottle of beer
Flour
A pinch of salt
2-4 Apple
Lemon juice
Cinnamon
Dark brown sugar.
Oil to fry them in
Icing sugar to sprinkle on top.

How to:
1. Peel the apples and cut them into slices. Squeeze a bit of lemon juice over them to keep them from turning brown. Make sure it won’t swim in the juice. If it is too wet you will make it hard on yourself.
2. Pore the bottle of beer into a bowl and at the flour until a thick, gloopy texture is created and of course at the pinch of salt as well. To test the mixture, try one slice of apple and see if the mixture sticks to it. If the mixture isn’t thick enough, it will not stick properly to the apple and the oil will go inside too much and causes the end result to be too greasy and crunchy. The mixture you can see in the video is too thin and didn’t work the way it should.
3. At the sugar and the cinnamon  to the apples. Make sure to cover them completely.
4. Fill a deep pan with the oil and let it heat until 180◦C or until a small piece of bread would be attacked by bubbles immediately (turn brown in 15 seconds). It’s important the oil is hot enough.
5. Put a couple of apple slices into the mixture and make sure, both sides are covered completely. Then carefully put them into the hot oil and wait for them to turn golden brown. In order to get both side fried, turn them with a fork.
Then when they have turned golden brown, remove the from the oil and put them on some paper towel to let the excess oil to leak.
6. Serve them on a plate and sprinkle them with icing sugar.

What makes me happy, 15 days until Christmas

It is December, the month where everything seems possible, with magic in the air and a time to think positive. So what is better than thinking about small or bigger things that makes you happy. Personally, I find it much easier to get happiness from small things than big, perhaps this is because I’m not really missing positive. And when looking at small things it is almost impossible to think something negative about.

1. Lipsticks: This is more of a recent discovery. I’m not really great with makeup, especially eyeliner and plus I don’t wear much on a daily basis. However a lipstick is easy to apply and immediately gives you a different look, and with so many different colours and textures there are many looks to choose from. The reason this is only something recent is that I used to think lipstick looks odd to me, that my lips are not suitable for it. But to be honest, I now like the way it looks at me and when wearing it, I’m less bothered by the way my lips look.
Of course, this new obsession of mine is not good for my wallet, there are so many I would like to have.

2. Pizza: My all time favourite. Of course, when I say pizza I don’t mean ready made frozen pizza from the supermarket, I mean fresh ones. The ones you make yourself, with some advocado (I am in love with that texture), some onion, dried tomatoes, miserable and what not. But of course in a restaurant you can have delicious ones too. The best I had so far was in the Czech republic this year. It isn’t quite the country to find great food, and for a while we just made dinner at the campsite. However, when we came across this pizzeria we decided to give it one more try. A great decision because the pizza’s were absolutely great. A great tomato sauce and just the right amount of cheese (I’m no real cheese fanatic and hate when the entire pizza is covered with it). Everything was just right.
But a more recent enjoyment of the pizza was when my mom, aunt, cousin and I were on a shopping trip in Enschede. We ended it in a restaurant where we choose some different types, one was a super delicious pizza bread. Unfortunately, there was just enough to take two small pieces for me.

3. Vietnamese: I love this Cuisine. The fresh herbs and vegetables, the many different tastes. It’s one of the few food I don’t feel the need to have a different taste in my mouth after eating it.
It all started with a Vietnamese sandwich. We found the recipe in a cookbook we own, not a Vietnamese one. And it was the best sandwich I have ever eaten.
I now own a Vietnamese cookbook, a birthday present from my grandmother, and I can’t wait to try all the recipes.

4. Christmas: It is mostly about the days leading up to it, the excitement and anticipation that grows, the Chritsmas decoration, everything starts to sparkle. It’s the atmosphere, it has, the feeling anything is possible, anything could happen and for a while it really does seem that magic does exist.
I’m most definitely am a Christmas junky. Anything remotely Christmassy brings fluttering butterflies in my stomach, even when in reality it’s just ugly. It’s a month I get so easily distracted by all it’sparkle.

5. Looking through clothing racks: I’ve always liked a little shopping, but even more so now I feel confident enough to wear what I like. I don’t end up wearing only the things that makes me invisible. And surprisingly, it makes me so much happier to walk around in clothes I love, I feel more confident because of it. And this makes looking for clothes much more exciting, although I buy less (I just make sure I buy only clothes I know I will wear).

6. Bookshops: I love to walk slowly pass the bookshelf’s looking for an interesting book to buy. The excitement you feel when knowing there are many more stories to read and worlds to discover.
But not only new books, old books, books that have lived, that have a different story stuck to them than what they tell inside. Books with pretty covers and cracks in their spines. I love the way they look on a bookshelf.

7. A warm summers day, bare feet, no talking, just wandering through the garden: I’m not a talkative  person. I can be very chatty at the right time and the right person. But I do have days I do not feel like talking at all, days I just want to be alone with my thoughts, let my imagination run wild. This summer, on those very warm days when nobody was home, I just wandered through the garden with Luna (my dog) following me closely, sat down on various points staring at something and let my thoughts wander as well. It was so confirming and relaxing to do, although it may sound boring to some of you.

8. Watching films (fantasy in particular): I love it, it’s another way to delf yourself in something else than your own life. I love to watch films that when they’re finished, they still be in your mind and when you go asleep it will give you sweet and wonderful dreams.

9. Getting a new haircut: I’ve always loved to get a drastically different haircut. Because then for a while, you feel a new person, with new possibilities and a feeling I can do anything. I’m not someone who can have the same haircut for years, I get bored of it quickly and it’s quite addicting to try something new.  When I tell those around, me I want something new, there is now surprise only: ‘Again?’ and ‘For how long?’.
It’s the only thing I can be spontaneous in. Last February I decided one night I wanted it short like Demi Moore in Ghost and the next the I had an appointment made and got it done. Just like that, no regrets. Although it does help to have a hairdresser you trust and that actually listens to what you want.
Only know when I want something new I have to let it grow first, and that goes so slow.

10. Buying the Christmas tree: One of the things I love the most in December, is buying a Christmas tree. We always do this at a farm nearby. Outside the barn are the many different kinds of Christmas trees, big, small, thick thin and in many shapes. Inside the barn  it smells of mulled wine and every now and then the smell of Christmas trees goes by. By the first step you, make you feel the heat of the little fireplace where the mulled wine is heated. But first you have to go through the miniature Christmas market before you get there and receive a small glass for free to drink.
It’s something I look forward to every year.

11. Snow: Isn’t it magically when you wake up to a winter wonderland. The snow still falling and making the already thick blanket that is covering the world even thicker. The many paths of untouched snow to make footprints. It’s like discovering the world all over again. And from the inside it looks so cosy and soft.

12. A rainy autumn day: it’s a pain when you have to go by bicycle and arrive at school or work all soaking wet. But is so lovely at a homyday. Walking the dog, while everyone stays inside, the water drops dripping of your face. Splacing in some puddles and enjoying the sound it makes on the leaves or rooftops.

13. A hot chocolate when it is freezing: A hot chocolate tastes the best when your toes have turned into ice clumps, your hands can’t be moved because they are frozen and you feel cold to the deepest of your inside. This is why when I was little and we would walk the dog in the forest when it snowed and froze, I deliberately put on shoes I knew wouldn’t do a good job keeping my feed on. Just so I could enjoy my hot chocolate with marshmallows, whipped cream and waffles even more.
 

Looking for a Christmas tree, 16 days until Christmas

 

 

  Going on a Christmas tree hunt is probably the most exciting things about December. I look forward to it all year round. I just love looking at those tree finding a perfect one for us and of course, stepping into the small Christmas market inside the farm. Where as soon as you step through the door the smell of mulled wine finds a way to your nose, you're surrounded by Christmas and when you're half way through you receive a free glass of the mulled wine you smiled when you just stepped inside. It’s the right amount, not too big, just big enough to enjoy the taste, but not get sick of it.
As soon as we find a tree Christmas has officially started.

I made a coat, 17 days until Christmas

A while back, I believe in September, I wrote to you that I wanted to start sewing. Well, I finally started. The first project I took on was sewing a coat. And guess what it is not falling apart. Although I do have to admit there was a lot of help from my mom, but I am just a beginner.

Before you can actually start sewing you will need a couple of things a sewing pattern, to help you with what to do, fabric, needle and thread, sewing machine, in this case buttons. Although this may seem logical and not that hard, but I didn’t expect there would be so many decision-making. Making decisions is not really a talent of mine.
First step, the sewing pattern, a step where you need to choose from hundreds perhaps even thousands of patterns. Trying to find the one closest to what you have in mind. After you find one you can on to the next step, because now you know how much you need.
Step two, on the hunt for  fabric. The fabric, not that hard I though, I already had in mind what I wanted exactly. And finding that kind of fabric I was looking for was easy, this happened rather quickly. But unfortunately if you want a coat that is actually kind of warm you will need lining, and this fabric comes in many different shapes and different colours. And even though this is coming from the inside of the coat it will show through every now and then to see. So it is important that it go’s well with the fabric you have chosen, but as well you have to have in mind what look you’re going for. Bright green could be fun, but if you want your coat to go on for a while and would like to change up the look now and then by scarf, you might be better off with a more natural colour.
Step 3: Do you want shoulder patting. Apparently with the coat I wanted it is custom to have that. But I’m not really liking the look of broad shoulders. I did get them, but have now a much thinner and less obviously patting in there, that might or might not stay in (depending on whether I like the look or not).
Step 4: Buttons (if you need them). This might seem as a miner decision, but when the details are not right, it is going to look cheap. And there are many buttons to choose from, some may look like each other, but because of a small detail in them they can change the look of the coat.
Of course you need a couple more things, but they aren’t much of a decision. They are needed and you go with what the saleslady says are the best.

Where the first problem presented itself. I was in the store already made all the decisions I had to make, ready to make some more for other projects, when we founded out that the pattern we had chosen was not right for the coat I wanted to make. The mistake we made was we didn’t look properly at the drawing of the coat and missed that the seams were not where I wanted them. This made that I started to freak out. In my head, I started to worry, I made myself believe that all these people in the store were thinking I was stupid, dum. How could I make such a stupid decision. I wanted to leave the store instantly, my breathing started to be heavier. And I very much believed everybody was looking at me.
I know this might sound a bit stupid, probably most of the people there didn’t notice me and most definitely didn’t know of the mistake I made. And if they were now looking at me it was probably that I now was acting foolishly. The only people who knew was my mom (who made the mistake with me) and the sales lady who pointed it out, but wasn’t by all means judge mental. Actually, she was quite nice.
So with me panicking, we left the store, with the fabric and sorts, but not with any other fabric for other projects or with a pattern we could use.

Luckily we did end up finding the right pattern and we could get started.
Step 5: Drawing out the patterns, pinning the on the fabric and starting to cut out the fabric.
Step 6: Of course my mum help me a lot here. The times I sewed before are not worth mentioning, so I needed a whole lot of help. I am in the learning progress and did as much as I could. The most difficult parts are done by my mom, I did wanted for the coat to look good and didn’t want to fuck it up.

I do think the end result is perfect. I love it, it is comfortable, and it does look well made. Definitely a coat for years to come.  

London day 2, 18 days until Christmas

Day 2 Tuesday, 24 November 2015,

I’ve slept, already this day starts out better. And when I’ve had a full night's sleep, and therefore have more energy,  I have much more control over my anxiety and OCD.

10.30 am, we stand waiting for the horse guard change. To be honest, this was a bit of a letdown, the whole time it seemed they were just standing still, not doing much exciting at all. Not that this is a problem, we made it fun or at least created something to laugh about.
After all that we went for a walk, past the Big Ben. Something you must have seen when going to London. Our walk took us much further, pass Harrods where of course we went in. But of course we needed something to eat during the day. We sat down in a restaurant for some sandwiches (not really something for me, I’m not a big bread/sandwich eater), it had the cleanest toilet with a lot of space and real small towels you put in the washing bin after using it and after you can use some hand lotion. This made me really happy, because I hate going to the toilet in public places and this mad it easier to do.

After our walk, we took the subway to go to the Hyde Park for the Christmas market, that was said to find a place there. It did, although it wasn’t a Christmas market I ever been to. It had too many attractions and too little stalls to my taste. But was still a good place to get into the Christmas spirit.

Our feed are tired, but we are not done with the day yet. Luckily we do not have to walk, we can just sit in the bus and enjoy the two hour long tour through London. The bus, totally empty with only the four of us in it. Which was a recipe for Laughter and silliness,  great fun.

 

 

 

 

Clothes closeup week 1, 19 days until Christmas

I love clothes and dressing up. I have a closet full of beautiful clothes, but unfortunately a barely wear them. I always seem to choose the save option, something basic and something to blend into the mass with. This seems very strange to me, because it are the days I choose to wear something I like and is a bit more daring I feel much more confident in them, than when I wear something basic. It’s because of this I decided to make a clothing type video a weekly thing in December. It would slightly force me to wear all the clothes I have in my closet than just a one or two outfits.
I wanted to show you the clothes I’ve been wearing this week in closeups, I always love the details and find the pictures taken very up-close the most interesting to watch.

December 1
Shirt: Asos
Trousers: Homemade by my mom

December 2
Shirt: Asos
Dress: Vintage
Tights: Primark
Shoes: Tamaris

This outfit reminds me of the film ‘You’ve got mail’ and I love it.
December 3 Sweater: Asos
Jeans: H&M

Dreams and reality, 20 days until Christmas

Perhaps it is the nostalgic treats that comes out when Sinterklaas is coming and of course the Christmassy treats. But lately I’ve been wishing I was still a child, of course I do know I am lucky for having such a great and carefree childhood and many are not as lucky as I am. But I can’t help feeling as if things were easier then, of course they were. Back then I did not suffer from my OCD or social anxiety, I was free. Although I always have been shy, but as a child, I did not worry about what other people really thought about me or what I wore.

Things were so much more exciting and “fun”, when Sinterklaas came I was allowed to put a shoe out and sing to it and get excited for the next morning, because Sinterklaas and Piet would have put something in there. Kruidnoten, a frog or a mouse (my favourite kind of candy) or a small present. It was so magical. But would I put my shoe out today, it would still be empty the next.

Back when I was a child, I didn’t want to be a writer, something I hope to become one day now, this is not because I didn’t think it was a great profession. It was because I thought that as soon as I put my dreams and the adventures I imagined to have onto paper, it would mean they would never happen to me. Like what Cinderella said, that if she would tell the animals about her dream it would never come true. And I much rather would live those adventures, visited those worlds myself than to write about them.
The many things I wanted to be when I grow where a witch (whether that was through Hogwarts or like in charmed didn’t matter), a fairy, a mermaid, a pink troll or any other magical creature. I wanted to be an adventurer and go on adventures in places like Neverland, Wonderland, Narnia, the Wizarding world and some made up ones by myself. I used to play them out together with my brother, who back then was my best buddy (unfortunately he is going to puberty now and that causes somewhat friction between us, but I believe it will all be okay in the end). I played those games a lot longer than I probably should, when my friends were already getting on the periods and interested in boys I was not. I just wanted to be in my many imaginary worlds.
            Of course, time is passing by I started to realise that I might not find that I had magical powers, or grow a tail instead of legs, have wings coming out of my shoulder blades and perhaps never find a magically world (although of course secretly I hope I ones do;)). I know have started to write down does fantasies and live those adventures through the characters I make up. I even started to write, what I hope one day will be a book.

I know we can’t be living like a child does forever and we have to, to some extent, grow up and create a live ourselves. Although we should hold on to your imagination, positivity and hopes.

London day 1, 21 days until Christmas

As you might know I went for four days in London. About every day I have made a post that will be spread through this month for you to read. Although I have very much enjoyed this trip it has also been a giant step away from my comfort zone and triggered both my anxiety and OCD. That’s why I decided not only to tell about all that was great, but open the door slightly so you can see bits of what goes around in my head. The trip I went on was together with my Grandmother (my mom's mom), an aunt and a niece.
1:00 am, By this time I wished it was 5 o’clock time to get out of bed. I had a hard time falling asleep. Perhaps it was the nerves for going to the plane the coming day (what if my bag is too big? Or if I have to many fluids with me?), perhaps it was the street light shining into the room from both sides, which provides enough light to read a book by or perhaps it were the two clocks ticking (one of which telling me the time every half hour).
4:45 am, finally I can go out of bed and make myself ready. Brush my teeth, wash my face, drink a cup of tea slowly because now I have all the time.

In the car on our way to the airplane, I probably slept for an hour, much needed I don’t know how to get through the day without the slightest bit of sleep. But when I woke up we were in traffic and not near Schiphol.
            We were late, there wasn’t any time to go to the toilet. A shame because I was in much need. Fortunately, I was aloud to bring all that I had packed, nothing needed to be thrown away.
The plane journey was quick, although slightly uncomfortable because of my very full bladder. I can’t tell you how glad I was when we landed and I finally could go to the toilet, even if it wasn’t the cleanest toilet.

Time to buy a train ticket and make our way to London. When we arrived, we first went somewhere to eat, a Hamburger it turned out to be.
Now it was time to go to our Hotel, to drop off our bags. This made my nerves, my thoughts jumped to the worst conclusions. When we finally arrived at the doorsteps there was something wrong with our booking. Only one room was booked, but we definitely booked two. Luckily, this problem was relatively quickly solved.
With our heavy suitcases we went up a narrow stairs to get to our room. It was only a couple of minutes when I discovered several long brown hairs on the bed and towels. This made me anxious, nervous about tonight, let's say this very much triggered my OCD. But lets shall I be honest, my eyes always pick this up very quickly and often sees those things when others don’t even notice.

Alright, don’t think about tonight, right now just enjoy what you are doing. This is what I whispered to myself when we were on our way to Nothing hill, to stroll around a bit go in a couple of shops. It went well, although my lack of sleep started to catch up with me now. Now the adrenaline was mostly gone.
It was this evening I had the most delicious meal. The best soup I ever had, with a delicious garlic bread and as desert very well made fresh ice-cream.

Kruidnoten a Dutch treat, 22 days until Christmas

It’s something that gets eaten at this time every year, it’s one of the many things to look forward to when Sinterklaas is in the country. Normally we buy them from the store, but this year I decided I wanted to make a few myself.

The last time I’ve made Kruitnoten I was still in school, around the age of 10. We would be busy rolling small balls out of the dough and when we were done it was playtime, time to play in the schoolyards, while the teachers would bake all of the kruitnoten into the oven. When playtime was over we would be welcomed by the smell of freshly baked kruitnoten, which had filled the school. It was that smell that filled my house now and reminded me of me being 10 years old and coming home, at 15.30, with a small bag of delicious home made kruidnoten.

Ingredients:
4 tsp gingerbread spices:             - 8 tsp cinnamon
                                                               - 2 tsp nutmeg
                                                               - 2 tsp clove
                                                               - 1 tsp ginger powder
                                                               - 1 tsp cardamom
                                                               - 1 tsp white pepper

250 g of self-raising flour
125 g of dark brown sugar
100 g hard, cold butter
6 tbsp milk
Pinch of salt

How to:
Preheat the oven to 175 ◦C
Mix the flour with the sugar, gingerbread spices and the salt.
Cut the butter into small pieces and at this together with the milk to the dry ingredients.
Knead quickly into a dough.
Line the baking tray with baking sheet.
Roll the dough into small balls, in the size of a marble, and divide them on the baking tray.
Let the kruidnoten bake for 15 to 20 minutes.

November favourites 2015, 23 days until Christmas

It’s the 1st of December, Christmas is only 23 more days away. November has been a month where I had to step out of my comfort zone, I went to London (but more on that in December). November had also been a busy month, because December I’ve planned to be even busier and I had to do some preparation for that. For the month of December I set myself a challenge, a goal to post something every day until Christmas. That means 25 posts at the end of the month. It’s something I wanted to try for a while now and decided that now was the best time to prove myself I can.

The posts can be anything, of course a lot of it is Christmas related. There are posts about my trip to London, posts about baking, posts about thoughts that wandered through my mind, even some posts about something clothes/fashion related, just for the fun of it.

Now to some favourites of November.

Flow magazine: My mom and I were doing some groceries when we past this magazine. Immediately we were drawn to it, although we didn’t buy it right away. It wasn’t until a couple of days later that we gave in. The magazine is full of pretty pages, sparks your inspiration and provides tons of ideas to be creative. I love to just flip through it and read the many interesting articles. Definitely going to buy one of these again.

Pyjama pants: It wasn’t like I was on the hunt for a pair of these, I just happen to come across it in the H&M. And they were so soft, it was then I imagine myself in them on boxing day when watching films. I definitely wanted them now and that’s why I bought them.
It wasn’t a bad thing to come home too after an exhausting trip to London. The 4 days that was left in November I have left in these pants and to be honest, I would like to be wearing it every day from now on, but that would be a waist of all the pretty clothes in my closet.

Harry Potter journal:  I bought this when I was in London.
I’m a massive fan of Harry Potter and Notebooks, and am a Gryffindor. Those three combined you get this notebook that ready to be filled with my adventures.

Persephone books: The exact explanation for why I love it so much, you will find in day 3 of my london experience. But what I can tell you is that when I'm in London again, I most definitely will go back to this bookshop. I do recommend this to all booklovers out there who happen to be in London.
address: 59 Lamb's Conduit Street, London, WC1N 3NB Persephone books 

Rainbowtree

I know that most of the trees already lost their leaves and that autumn is almost over. Christmas is only so many weeks away, but I had this footage of my favourite tree. I just love the way its leaves turn, like a rainbow. It’s my favourite tree in autumn and this tree in particular won’t be here next year as by then a chicken shed is built. And that’s why, even though it has no leaves, no more, I wanted to share it with you.

October favourites 2015

The weather has definitely gone colder, which means autumn has arrived and winter will follow. The leaves had turned different colours, some trees even lost them already. I love it.

Things have started to go better again and look brighter, nobody is in the hospital anymore (although the recovery will take months). Of course, this doesn’t mean there’s nothing that triggers my anxiety or OCD, but the things that do are on a more positive note.
                At the end of November I will be in London for a couple of days, which is incredibly excited. Although I feel just as anxious, perhaps even more, about it. I will go together with my grandmother, aunt and cousin. The fact that I feel extremely nervous about it will just be prove that this trip is perfect as an exposure to help me to get rid (to live with) my OCD and anxiety.

Now on to the favourites that I have:

 Sweater, Asos: I figured that after last year, it turned out I was lacking warm and cozy clothing that I could wear on a regular base and wanted to be seen in outside, I needed to look for warm sweaters. And that’s what I did, the first thing I found was this orange one from Asos. And it quickly became the most cozy and comfortable item in my closet. It feels like a constant hug, tight and warm around you. I love the fit and the way the two slits on the sides look.

Burts bees, replenishing: Perfect when the weather gets colder and your lips dryer.

Chocolate mud face mask, Hema: (the mask in the picture is not the mask I’m talking about, but that one has run out and I still wanted to give you an idea what the packaging is like). As everything was really stressful and hectic, my skin gone crazy. It was irritating, breaking out everywhere and in need of some extra care. This facemask did an amazing job. After rinsing it off my skin felt clean but not dry, just really comfortable. Definitely going to repurchase. And when you wear it you will be surrounded by the smell of chocolate.