For a while now I’ve
been pondering about whether I should take the next step and move my blog and
get a domain. Perhaps you’ve already guessed by the title I made the decision to go for it. Mostly
because I haven’t been too happy about the content I’ve been putting up and I feel
a new place to blog is a great fresh start. My blog name will be the same as
now and I will take a few posts from here with me, short stories mostly. You will find me here.
I plan to most more regular, but at the same time take the time to do it right
(just so I’m content with what I put up). It won’t be a completely different
blog when you go over there, I still plan on doing monthly favourites (things I
love on the new blog), I will post more on my mental health (social anxiety and
OCD), more short stories, more on (my take on) fashion, adventures I will be on
and every so often a recipe.
http://www.themyrtaceae.com/
Normally
the beginning of January brings excitement and energy to start the new year, to
change everything. But this time I barely couldn’t move myself. It had a bit of
a blue Monday feel to it, blegh would be the only way to describe it. The idea
that I have no clue to what is coming (something you can’t really know anyway, I
know) of having no idea where to start, what the next step is going to be overwhelmed
me. Throughout my life I always had a plan, a clear idea where I’m heading,
some fantasy how my life was going to be from day to day. Alright, they were
never true, they never happened and often realized it wasn’t what I thought it
was or what I wanted. But for a short period of time I felt like I knew what
was waiting for me.
But at the moment, no matter how hard I try I just don’t know and that makes me
afraid, it makes me feel I’m not in control (which obviously you can’t be for a
100%). You can’t prepare if you don’t know what is coming and that is difficult
for someone who wants to prepare for everything.
My surroundings haven’t been stress free. A little while ago I told you about someone
close ended up in the hospital, well this someone still isn’t quite up with
recovering. Which brings a whole set of worries. And there are some other
little things.
I think that
all those thoughts that wander through my mind, all those worries and all
things that happen without me having any kind of control has had its influence on
my OCD. Because lately it has been really bad. It seems I can’t do anything to
get some grip on it. It sometimes feels like I’m in a deep pit filled with
water and slippery walls with nothing to hold on to.
And something a bit sillier, but something that doesn’t make me feel great. My
hair, I’m growing out my pixie cut and wait till my hair has grown into a short
bob. But I find myself in this awkward stage where nothing I try to do with my
hair makes it looks good or even presentable. I knew of course that this
awkward stage would come, it always happens when you try to grow your hair out.
But hair takes so slow to grow and I only need a centimeter or five.
And at last I’ve been feeling as if spring is just around the corner. I have
felt such a craving to organize my wardrobe get through all of my summer/spring
clothes and sort it out. Normally this doesn’t happen until march. I gave in
and threw out a lot of clothes and now I’m left with only bits of outfits and need
to go on a hunt to fill the holes up. I suppose I just need some change, a change
of mind, a change of scenery, a change of setting. A bit more of a positive surroundings,
a bit more colour in wardrobe (it consists of mostly red, orange and black. I feel
a bit bored of it and in need of greens and blues) and in life (I need flowers
to blossom).
Paint:
This month I got a bit more creative, I have been painting, drawing and making
collages. I got finally around using this paint and I’m a fan.
My father’s old cardigan:
It’s big and I can fit my whole body in it if I would want to, all I need to do
is crawl up. I have been feeling cold so much that I always wore this sweater
over my clothes when I’m at home.
Diary 2016, flow:
It’s my first Diary which contains a calendar year, and it is a great one. It’s
filled with many quotes, for every week one, pretty patterns. It came with a
little notebook, and I love notebooks. But above all it is pretty and handy.
I know I’m
late with writing this post. I had planned this post a week ago, however I couldn’t
make myself do much somehow. Perhaps it was the icy weather that caused icefree,
people were ice skating on the roads, having fun. It felt as if everybody around
me wasn’t working either.
But perhaps that wasn’t the only reason. After December has a rhythm, a schedule
that didn’t quite suit me, I tried to find one that does. However, I’m still
finding out what my perfect schedule or weekly rhythm is, especially since I want
to approach this year differently, having other priorities. I decided to go for
a different approach, because every start of the year my mind makes huge planes,
creates massive unrealistic dreams that I can’t really make happen. I set the
bar so high every year and most of the times this lead to me being disappointed
at the end of the year or freaked out when there was a setback, because that
wasn’t the plan. That’s why this year I will discover day by day, deal with
things when they are here. And not worry about it in advance, thinking about
all the possible things that might go wrong before it even happened.
I’v learned in the past year that sometimes it’s better to take small steps and
actually move forward than take a big step but ending worse than I started. Only
small goals over a small period of time.
You can’t plan too far ahead and it has no point of worry about things that
might or might not happen in the future, because there is no way to know what lies
ahead. Sometimes unexpected things happen.
I’m curious about what 2016 has to bring, but I guess I have to wait and see.
And enjoy the small thing along the way.
Red
lipstick: For a while it was stored in a bag without being used, but lately I’ve
been grabbing the lipstick and loving it. Either to lightly dap it and using it
like a lip stain or just full on red.
Socks, Primark: They're the best socks I have in my draws. They're cozy,
comfortable, they don’t slip down or suffocate my legs. Perfect for the cold
icy weather we had last week.
Fluffy slippers, H&M: I have been wearing them nonstop when I’m inside.
Pyjama pants, H&M: I know last month they have been in my favourites too,
but I couldn’t help myself loving them just as much as last time.
