January favourites 2016

Normally the beginning of January brings excitement and energy to start the new year, to change everything. But this time I barely couldn’t move myself. It had a bit of a blue Monday feel to it, blegh would be the only way to describe it. The idea that I have no clue to what is coming (something you can’t really know anyway, I know) of having no idea where to start, what the next step is going to be overwhelmed me. Throughout my life I always had a plan, a clear idea where I’m heading, some fantasy how my life was going to be from day to day. Alright, they were never true, they never happened and often realized it wasn’t what I thought it was or what I wanted. But for a short period of time I felt like I knew what was waiting for me.
But at the moment, no matter how hard I try I just don’t know and that makes me afraid, it makes me feel I’m not in control (which obviously you can’t be for a 100%). You can’t prepare if you don’t know what is coming and that is difficult for someone who wants to prepare for everything.

My surroundings haven’t been stress free. A little while ago I told you about someone close ended up in the hospital, well this someone still isn’t quite up with recovering. Which brings a whole set of worries. And there are some other little things.

I think that all those thoughts that wander through my mind, all those worries and all things that happen without me having any kind of control has had its influence on my OCD. Because lately it has been really bad. It seems I can’t do anything to get some grip on it. It sometimes feels like I’m in a deep pit filled with water and slippery walls with nothing to hold on to.

And something a bit sillier, but something that doesn’t make me feel great. My hair, I’m growing out my pixie cut and wait till my hair has grown into a short bob. But I find myself in this awkward stage where nothing I try to do with my hair makes it looks good or even presentable. I knew of course that this awkward stage would come, it always happens when you try to grow your hair out. But hair takes so slow to grow and I only need a centimeter or five.
And at last I’ve been feeling as if spring is just around the corner. I have felt such a craving to organize my wardrobe get through all of my summer/spring clothes and sort it out. Normally this doesn’t happen until march. I gave in and threw out a lot of clothes and now I’m left with only bits of outfits and need to go on a hunt to fill the holes up. I suppose I just need some change, a change of mind, a change of scenery, a change of setting. A bit more of a positive surroundings, a bit more colour in wardrobe (it consists of mostly red, orange and black. I feel a bit bored of it and in need of greens and blues) and in life (I need flowers to blossom).

Paint:
This month I got a bit more creative, I have been painting, drawing and making collages. I got finally around using this paint and I’m a fan.

My father’s old cardigan:
It’s big and I can fit my whole body in it if I would want to, all I need to do is crawl up. I have been feeling cold so much that I always wore this sweater over my clothes when I’m at home.

Diary 2016, flow:
It’s my first Diary which contains a calendar year, and it is a great one. It’s filled with many quotes, for every week one, pretty patterns. It came with a little notebook, and I love notebooks. But above all it is pretty and handy.