Goodbye my dear sweet Max

For a weekend that started so good (I got a job after having my first job interview in years) it ended at the most horrible way possible. My dog Max died.

It was quite unexpected, for it was only a week ago see was just fine, but since Wednesday she became ill. She drank a lot of water, she had to pee a lot (she good not hold it in for 5 minutes, what means she peed in the house every now and then, she felt so guilty for doing that), she lost a lot a lot of weight and her eyes got infected. It only got worse by the day. Saturday it seemed she even lost more weight and her eyes rolled backwards (she looked scary when that happened), she got very down and that not like her she always is an enthusiastic and happy dog no matter what, so that means she really is sick. You saw in her eyes see still wanted to come to us and play, but see just couldn’t.

At first we decided to got to the vet on Monday, but when we woke up on Sunday seeing her laying at the place we left her the night before, not wanting to eat (not even some tasty meat) and she always was in for that, we decided to look for a vet open at Sundays. She looked depressed, every effort was to much, even opening her eyes when we came to her.

With still the hope that she might get better with some treatment we went to the vet. She was surprisingly calm when we where waiting, normally she would try to get away. The vet told us she was very ill and it was not likely for her to get better (really better) she is an old dog (12 years). We always sad we would never try all kind of medicine so she could life, we don’t want her to suffer pain just because we can’t say goodbye to her (that wouldn’t be fair would it?). So we make the choice to say goodbye.

Just before she got her infuse she looked everyone in to the eyes to say goodbye I think, like she new what was going on . I dig my face in to her fur, hold her, while my tears stream down my face and I went with my fingers through her hair till her heart stops beating. I know we did well by making this choice, but it doesn’t make the pain any less. The rest of that whole day I cried my eyes out non stop and even today the tears burn in my eyes.

I think only someone who have or had a dog can relate with me, because having a dog is so much more different from having any other kind of pet, you bond differently. A dog is faithful, loving. No matter what they will be there for you to support you, you tell them your secrets and they are save with her, when you’re sad they will catch you, when you’re lonely they will be your friend.

For us she was a very important family member. For me she was my best friend and the last couple of months I spend a lot of time at home with her, see was there for me.

Max was a very kind, enthusiastic, happy and an easy dog. She listen and from day one she was housebroken, she never bit and if she accidentally did when playing, she started to panic and licking your hand. Losing her is very hard on all of us (even my dad’s eyes got watery and he never ever cries).

I still remember the day we got her. I was at the age of 6 or 7. She smelled like cow poop and she was so scared ( its no wonder; strange people where taking her away from her mom in barn, who wouldn’t be?). She sad between my brother and I in the backseat of the car. She was digging a hole behind my back to hide, the whole ride to home she was laying behind my back, so I sad uncomfortable.

Now after one night without her it feels strange not having her here when I still expect her to. It is uncomfortable quiet. I still look down before I get up from my seat (she always lay there) or watch at the front door (that was her place). This morning my mother got some bread to give her, but she wasn’t there. She became such a big part of our life, it just doesn’t feels Wright not having her here with us. To be honest I believe I cried harder about her then the two weeks both of my grandfather died (not that I didn’t love them, but they where not part of my everyday life). And right now I don’t now what to do to get over this or if I can get over this. Normally when I feel this way I would go to Max to run my fingers through her hair (it made my calm and less nervous) or would hug her or dig my face into her fur to hide from the world, so not having her here makes me uncomfortable and not knowing what to do with this pain. There is no real replacement for her, a dog like her we will never find again.

The least thing I can do is remember the great moment we had with max.

I miss you Max!!