"In the silence of your bones and eyes forgotten magic sits and waits for fire"

Isn’t it a bit ironic when I say the people I like the most are always a bit different, weird, not like everyone else. They have something what attracts me, sometimes inspires me, but mostly they make me jealous that they can be themselves and feel comfortable. But when it comes to me, I want to hide, not stand out and to achieve that I would wear what everyone else is wearing, I try to look and act alike. Not that this actually makes me feel comfortable, it’s just that it feels and perhaps is safe.
I’m sure I’m not the only one when I say that it’s so much easier to see the good things when you look to others than when you look at yourself.

A while ago I happened to hear a conversation where a girl told she was afraid to turn up like everyone else if she would start a certain study. She was scared that she would become the kind of person she never want to be, not herself. She said it’s stupid to try to be like everyone else if you're not like everyone else, that she tried it herself, she was bullied in the past because she was different and wanted to fit in. She started the most “normal study”, started to wear “normal” clothes and wear her hair “normal” (it’s where I thought; that’s exactly what I’m doing now and done for a couple years), only she could only keep it up for only a few days before she started to long to herself. (The longing I know too, but the my anxiety was stronger).
She does have a point about being yourself, it’s kind of a waste to always be someone else.

Now that I’m doing my very best to get over my anxiety, and I’m doing pretty good with that I’ve already changed so much and feel already more confident, I wanted to start working “myself” to make my comfort zone bigger and stop hiding behind my “save” clothes. I know this won’t happen overnight, it’s been something I do for so long that it became normal and hard to imagine different, it will take time, perhaps a couple months or maybe even a year. I will take small steps. My first step would be writing and posting this, to share a bit more about me (the real me not the one I hide behind, even though she is part of me too).