May favourites 2015

Hai there! May has passed and we are now walking into my birthday month. I’m getting twenty-one at the end of June, whilst feeling barely twenty. As you might have noticed May has been the start of something new on my blog. I’ve posted a story, something I wanted to do, but never felt I was good enough. And I’ve posted my first video, which is even further out of my comfort zone, but wished to try for a couple of years. Although I’m still in the process of figuring out how things work, I still had some fun making the video and I think that is the most important.

As of June, I won’t promise to post something every week. There is a lot to do, for my course, and I rather post something I’ve had the time and excitement for to do than make something because I had to and rush to finish. Although I definitely will make a start with translating another story,  this time a story that I made a bit more recent.

Now onto my favourites.

Desk planner: May has also been the month I got a bit more organized, thanks to my new desk planner, where I plan from week to week. Which is sometimes a bit difficult as I love to plan ahead months ahead and that doesn’t always work out since often the planning isn’t that realistic, because you don’t know exactly what will happen months ahead. But lately I’ve been very good and making more realistic planning that I can keep to. If felt so much more productive, I got so much done. This particular one is from the Hema.

Skirt: Although there hasn’t been that much nice warm sunny weather in May, there has only been few and therefore not much change to wear my summer clothes. I still wanted to share this skirt that I wore on one of the two/three sunny days. It’s a skirt that used to be from my mom and now it has been altered it is mine. And when I wore it, I realized this is definitely going to be a favourite of mine this summer and will wear it on many occasions. I love the fit, I think it suits my body and it’s comfortably to wear, what do you want more in a skirt?

Kneipp bodycream, figs milk and argan oil : In the beginning of this month I remembered I had two testers from this body cream and thought I better use these up. So I did. The smell is amazing and also the main reason I love it so much, but of course it is nice and moisturizing. I will definitely buy the full size in the future.

 

Dear friend,

Today stepped even further out of my comfort zone, I made a small video and put it online. It’s something I wanted to try for a long time (a couple of years), but never had the guts to actually do. I always at an excuse of some sort. I know that this video isn’t the best out there on this world wide web, but considering it was my first time and I barely knew what I was doing I think I did an ok job. And we all have to start somewhere, right?
It is definitely something I want to explore some more in the future.

I hope you find this watchable.

Burn Like a Flame

As promised, a story I’ve written. This story in particular is one of the first proper stories I’ve written and let others read. I know the story isn’t anything near perfect, but it’s a good place to start when more stories are coming.
            It is possible to read the story in Dutch, the only thing you have to do is scroll down and you’ll find it.

 

‘Life must burn with a big flame’ That’s what's on old friend once told me. That live should only be about pleasure and fun.  And that is exactly how I lived mine.

Every need I had, I fulfill. My life was full of passion, passion for woman, sex and pleasure. Everything went as I wished, if not then…

But a life with only pleasure and fun, is one without true happiness. A life like that comes with a price, a big price. Dreadful, horrible and monstrous things I’ve done. I committed murder. My first was a woman who I would marry, who I loved. But a life with eternal youth, pleasure and fun sounded more appealing. So I got rid of her, dumped her in the river. Now I feel regret and remorse, this life has changed me into a monster, with every step I make to fulfill needs, every murder, every kiss, I became further removed from the person I once was. A boy with a good heart, without the intention of to hurt anyone. I am what my friend made me.

One day when I returned to the small town I grew up, the place where it all started. I met the daughter of the man who made me what I am today. His daughter, she was different than any woman I ever met. She was ahead of her time. We started seeing each other and with every minute I spend with her the more I fell for her. I was in love. It lasted long before I asked her to marry me, with the idea to change my life. But her father wasn’t too happy with this, he didn’t trust me.

The whole night I was busy painting all the rooms in the house I was going to live with her. The table was littered with coffee powder, energy drinks, cigarettes and other things to keep me awake. Her father came in with a look in his eyes as sharp as the knife he held in his hands, full of the despair to kill the demon he saw in me. He pushed me down the stairs, which not only I, but also a can of white paint fell and created a big white puddle. I scrambled to my feet. He stuck the knife into my chest, the knife hit a lung. I felt the blood slowly filling my lungs. The world around my was blurred, I collapsed. He dropped a lit match onto flammable white paint. A sea of flames was created.

            His daughter just awake, stormed into the room, knelt next to me, her cheeks wet, I stammered my last words ‘You have my heart, my whole heart…’ Everything went black, I sank, the demon in me was gone. ‘Something is more valuable, if it doesn’t last forever’

 

Dutch version:

“Het leven moet branden met een grote vlam”. Dat is wat een oude vriend me ooit heeft verteld. Dat het leven geheel om genot en plezier gaat. En zo heb ik dan ook mijn leven geleid.

Elke behoefte die ik had, heb ik vervuld. Mijn leven was vol met passie, passie voor vrouwen, seks en genot. Alles ging zo als ik wilde, zo niet, dan….

Maar een leven waarin alleen genot en plezier plaatsvindt, maakt niet gelukkig. Een leven als dat komt met een prijs, een grote prijs. Vreselijke, afschuwelijke en monsterlijke dingen heb ik gedaan. Ik heb moorden gepleegd. Mijn eerste was een vrouw met wie ik zou trouwen, van wie ik hield. Maar het leven van de eeuwige jeugd, het genot en plezier klonk veel aanlokkelijker. Dus heb ik haar uit de weg geruimd, in de rivier gedumpt. Nu heb ik spijt en berouw, dit leven heeft me veranderd in een monster, met elke stap die ik maak om de behoeftes die ik heb te vervullen, elke moord, met elke kus, raakte ik verder verwijderd van wie ik ooit was. Een jongen met een goed hart, zonder de intentie iemand te kwetsen of pijn te doen. Ik ben zoals mijn vriend mij heeft gemaakt.

Op een dag toen ik terugkeerde in het kleine stadje waar ik was opgegroeid en waar alles was begonnen, ontmoette ik de dochter van de man van wie ik alles geleerd had. De man die me heeft gemaakt tot wat ik nu ben. Zijn dochter was anders dan enig andere vrouw die ik ooit ontmoet had, ze was haar de tijd ver vooruit. We zagen elkaar steeds vaker en met elke minuut die ik met haar doorbracht, viel ik meer voor haar, ik was verliefd. En het duurde niet lang voordat ik haar ten huwelijk vroeg, met het idee het roer om te gooien en mijn leven te veranderen. Maar haar vader was daar niet blij mee, hij vertrouwd mij niet.

De hele nacht was ik bezig geweest met het schilderen van alle kamers in het huis. De tafel lag bezaaid met poederkoffie, flesjes energie, sigaretten en andere dingen om me wakker te houden. Haar vader kwam binnen met een ijzeren blik zo scherp als de rand van het mes dat hij in zijn handen hield, vol met wanhoop om de duivel die hij in mij zag te doden. Hij duwde me van de trap, waardoor niet alleen ik, maar ook de pot met witte verf viel die langzaam de vloer vulde met een grote witte plas. Ik krabbelde overeind. Hij stak het mes in mijn borstkas, het mes had een long geraakt, ik voelde hoe mijn longen zich langzaam vulde met bloed. Mijn blik werd wazig, ik zakte in elkaar. Hij liet een aangestoken lucifer vallen op de ontvlambare witte verf waardoor een zee van vlammen aanwakkerde. Zijn dochter was ook net wakker geworden en stormde de kamer binnen, knielde naast me neer, haar wangen nat, ik stammelde mij laatste woorden:; “Je hebt heel mijn hart, heel mijn hart…..”. Het beeld werd zwart, ik zakte weg, de demon die in me zat is weg. “Iets is pas waardevol, als het niet eeuwig is”.

 

April Favourites 2015

If you have read my last post, you may remember I thought March was a bit fussy. And although in many ways April has been better, I still feel a bit out of place. It still feels weird not knowing in which direction I’m heading, I don’t even know how next month is going to be like. This of course is normal, however, I can’t seem to get peace with not knowing. I don’t know where to start. I have a million ideas floating around my head, trillion thoughts that I do not seem to need. I can honestly say it’s a bit of an unorganized mess there, because even though there are a million ideas in there, the ideas are hard to catch.

So now the month May has arrived, I decided to do everything in my ability to create some sort of order. I bought myself a desk planner, to-do lists written on pieces of paper everywhere do not seem to do it. I made so mindmaps of various topics, in the hope I could catch some of the ideas on paper and I believe I did so.
            Another thing, I want some more posts up on this blog. Tomorrow I will make a start with translating the story (creative writing) I have promised to put up, so it definitely will not take too long anymore, I hope.

On to April Favourites:

Face cleansers: Garnier micellair water & Ultrabland (Lush): I’ve been using these two as a team to get my makeup off, and so far so good. I barely have to rub, gently swiping the makeup of is sufficient. My face is perfectly makeup free after this.

Handcream: My hands are always dry and many hand products often seem to stop working for a while, but till so far this cream still does its job. Better even it isn’t very expensive either.

Shirt: Lately I’m obsessed about turtle necks, I just love the way they look. I already have two of them in my closet and plan on buying more. The reason that this shirt is in my favourites is that I love the stripes it has and that it is white, but doesn’t make me awfully pale, like with so often does to me.

March 2015

Normally by this time I would have a monthly favourites ready to post, however March has been a bit fussy and I didn’t write any things or products that I liked this month down, like I normally do. March has been a month I made a decision I had to make, but that I put off. You may have heard I started working as cashier in a local supermarket.  The thought was that I would help me with my anxiety and that would help me to become more productive. That was not what it did, it basically made everything worse again, it made me very unhappy. It didn’t work, unfortunately, despite having such lovely and friendly  colleagues and boss. Luckily for me, everybody was very understanding about it, they knew of my anxiety.

Of course March hasn’t only been like that, I feel a lot more positive and exited to try new things and to get out of my comfort zone that way. For example, I want to put some creative writing work, here, on my blog. I do now have time to focus on things like that and it will only be a matter of time before my first story comes up on my blog. It will actually be the story, it sort of started with, it was the first one I have written, that other people read and that made me excited about writing. Putting stories on my blog is something I do find terrifying, I know they aren’t perfect, but this time I’m ready. There are other things as well that I want to try out, but you will find out about them later.

Something different on the blog

Hello! What’s going to new here on my blog? Well, it has been something I’ve been thinking about putting on my blog, only I’ve always been a bit anxious about it. But as it is a big part of my daily life, especially since I started my course, I thought perhaps now is the right time to finally share. Can you guess what it is? No? It’s creative writing, as you perhaps know I do a writing course, something I get so much joy out.

A while ago I actually have shared a creative writing piece on my blog before, it was about a monster that I created when I was little (about 4,5 years old). If you are curious, you can read here. However back then it was more of a one-time thing on my blog, now I would like to post a short fictional story once a month. Although I still feel a bit anxious, mainly because those stories probably aren’t perfect, but also strangely exciting for trying something new and to see how this will go.  

Update & February favourites

Hey, hello there. I feel like it’s been quite a while since I posted anything, I’m sorry. I do not even have an actual good reason for it, other than I have felt really lousy.
                Basically, I have felt anxious, almost all day for the past two months and it has been bringing my mood down. I can tell you feeling anxious and having panic attacks, many days of the week is not a good feeling. About my mood, well, I don’t feel like doing anything at all and every tiny thing can upset me, which is a very frustrating thing for me. I haven’t been a great to be living with. Of course it couldn’t end with just feeling anxious, my skin has been breaking out which I think could be connected.
                The main reason for this is probably my par time job I have since January, it has been more challenging than I had expected. This has been a trigger to my anxiety. A thing that doesn’t help either is that my body needs some vitamin D from the sunlight, I hope spring/ summer is going to around here soon.

Now on to my favourites of the month.

Wild Argan oil, body lotion: I needed some body lotion, I didn’t have any and my skin was very dry. And after hearing about this one and being in the Body Shop I decided to give it a try. The smell is just heavenly, I can’t get enough of it. Of course it is moisturizing as well.
The Body Shop

Deep Sleep Dreamy Pillow & Body Mist: I have been thinking of getting this for a while and have finally done so. It is supposed to help you sleep well, and after using it every night before bedtime, I can say that I think it does. The smell is nice and fresh, it reminds me of summer.
The Body Shop

Brow Artist Plumper, LORÉAL Paris: My eyebrows are very light blond and in some light even more invisible. So I need to put something on them to make them visible, but because they are so blond (and in need to be getting painted again) I find using pencil or powder can become quickly fake looking. As If they were drawn on. But since I have this it looks better, is easier and quicker.

Avocado: I definitely love this, especially made into a quesadilla with some onion and tomato or some chicken. For me this is comfort food and the best thing is it isn’t even bad for you. Yumm.