I love
clothes and dressing up. I have a closet full of beautiful clothes, but
unfortunately a barely wear them. I always seem to choose the save option, something
basic and something to blend into the mass with. This seems very strange to me,
because it are the days I choose to wear something I like and is a bit more
daring I feel much more confident in them, than when I wear something basic. It’s
because of this I decided to make a clothing type video a weekly thing in
December. It would slightly force me to wear all the clothes I have in my
closet than just a one or two outfits.
I wanted to show you the clothes I’ve been wearing this week in closeups, I always
love the details and find the pictures taken very up-close the most interesting
to watch.
December 1 Shirt: Asos
Trousers: Homemade by my mom
December 2
Shirt: Asos
Dress: Vintage
Tights: Primark
Shoes: Tamaris
This outfit reminds me of the film ‘You’ve got mail’ and I love it. December 3 Sweater:
Asos
Jeans: H&M
Perhaps it is the
nostalgic treats that comes out when Sinterklaas is coming and of course the
Christmassy treats. But lately I’ve been wishing I was still a child, of course
I do know I am lucky for having such a great and carefree childhood and many
are not as lucky as I am. But I can’t help feeling as if things were easier
then, of course they were. Back then I did not suffer from my OCD or social
anxiety, I was free. Although I always have been shy, but as a child, I did not
worry about what other people really thought about me or what I wore.
Things were so much more exciting and “fun”, when Sinterklaas came I was allowed
to put a shoe out and sing to it and get excited for the next morning, because
Sinterklaas and Piet would have put something in there. Kruidnoten, a frog or a
mouse (my favourite kind of candy) or a small present. It was so magical. But
would I put my shoe out today, it would still be empty the next.
Back when I was a child, I didn’t want to be a writer, something I hope to
become one day now, this is not because I didn’t think it was a great
profession. It was because I thought that as soon as I put my dreams and the
adventures I imagined to have onto paper, it would mean they would never happen
to me. Like what Cinderella said, that if she would tell the animals about her
dream it would never come true. And I much rather would live those adventures,
visited those worlds myself than to write about them.
The many things I wanted to be when I grow where a witch (whether that was
through Hogwarts or like in charmed didn’t matter), a fairy, a mermaid, a pink
troll or any other magical creature. I wanted to be an adventurer and go on
adventures in places like Neverland, Wonderland, Narnia, the Wizarding world
and some made up ones by myself. I used to play them out together with my
brother, who back then was my best buddy (unfortunately he is going to puberty
now and that causes somewhat friction between us, but I believe it will all be
okay in the end). I played those games a lot longer than I probably should,
when my friends were already getting on the periods and interested in boys I
was not. I just wanted to be in my many imaginary worlds. Of course, time is passing by
I started to realise that I might not find that I had magical powers, or grow a
tail instead of legs, have wings coming out of my shoulder blades and perhaps
never find a magically world (although of course secretly I hope I ones do;)).
I know have started to write down does fantasies and live those adventures
through the characters I make up. I even started to write, what I hope one day
will be a book.
I know we can’t be living like a child does forever and we have to, to some
extent, grow up and create a live ourselves. Although we should hold on to your
imagination, positivity and hopes.
As you might know I
went for four days in London. About every day I have made a post that will be
spread through this month for you to read. Although I have very much enjoyed
this trip it has also been a giant step away from my comfort zone and triggered
both my anxiety and OCD. That’s why I decided not only to tell about all that
was great, but open the door slightly so you can see bits of what goes around
in my head. The trip I went on was together with my Grandmother (my mom's mom),
an aunt and a niece.
1:00 am, By this time I wished it was 5 o’clock time to get out of bed. I had a
hard time falling asleep. Perhaps it was the nerves for going to the plane the
coming day (what if my bag is too big? Or if I have to many fluids with me?),
perhaps it was the street light shining into the room from both sides, which
provides enough light to read a book by or perhaps it were the two clocks
ticking (one of which telling me the time every half hour).
4:45 am, finally I can go out of bed and make myself ready. Brush my teeth,
wash my face, drink a cup of tea slowly because now I have all the time.
In the car on our way to the airplane, I probably slept for an hour, much
needed I don’t know how to get through the day without the slightest bit of
sleep. But when I woke up we were in traffic and not near Schiphol. We were late, there wasn’t any
time to go to the toilet. A shame because I was in much need. Fortunately, I
was aloud to bring all that I had packed, nothing needed to be thrown away.
The plane journey was quick, although slightly uncomfortable because of my very
full bladder. I can’t tell you how glad I was when we landed and I finally
could go to the toilet, even if it wasn’t the cleanest toilet.
Time to buy a train ticket and make our way to London. When we arrived, we
first went somewhere to eat, a Hamburger it turned out to be.
Now it was time to go to our Hotel, to drop off our bags. This made my nerves,
my thoughts jumped to the worst conclusions. When we finally arrived at the
doorsteps there was something wrong with our booking. Only one room was booked,
but we definitely booked two. Luckily, this problem was relatively quickly
solved.
With our heavy suitcases we went up a narrow stairs to get to our room. It was
only a couple of minutes when I discovered several long brown hairs on the bed
and towels. This made me anxious, nervous about tonight, let's say this very
much triggered my OCD. But lets shall I be honest, my eyes always pick this up
very quickly and often sees those things when others don’t even notice.
Alright, don’t think about tonight, right now just enjoy what you are doing.
This is what I whispered to myself when we were on our way to Nothing hill, to
stroll around a bit go in a couple of shops. It went well, although my lack of
sleep started to catch up with me now. Now the adrenaline was mostly gone.
It was this evening I had the most delicious meal. The best soup I ever had,
with a delicious garlic bread and as desert very well made fresh ice-cream.
It’s
something that gets eaten at this time every year, it’s one of the many things
to look forward to when Sinterklaas is in the country. Normally we buy them
from the store, but this year I decided I wanted to make a few myself.
The last time I’ve made Kruitnoten I was still in school, around the age of 10.
We would be busy rolling small balls out of the dough and when we were done it
was playtime, time to play in the schoolyards, while the teachers would bake
all of the kruitnoten into the oven. When playtime was over we would be welcomed
by the smell of freshly baked kruitnoten, which had filled the school. It was
that smell that filled my house now and reminded me of me being 10 years old
and coming home, at 15.30, with a small bag of delicious home made kruidnoten.
250 g of self-raising flour
125 g of dark brown sugar
100 g hard, cold butter
6 tbsp milk
Pinch of salt
How to:
Preheat the oven to 175 ◦C
Mix the flour with the sugar, gingerbread spices and the salt.
Cut the butter into small pieces and at this together with the milk to the dry
ingredients.
Knead quickly into a dough.
Line the baking tray with baking sheet.
Roll the dough into small balls, in the size of a marble, and divide them on
the baking tray.
Let the kruidnoten bake for 15 to 20 minutes.
It’s the 1st of
December, Christmas is only 23 more days away. November has been a month where I
had to step out of my comfort zone, I went to London (but more on that in
December). November had also been a busy month, because December I’ve planned
to be even busier and I had to do some preparation for that. For the month of December
I set myself a challenge, a goal to post something every day until Christmas.
That means 25 posts at the end of the month. It’s something I wanted to try for
a while now and decided that now was the best time to prove myself I can.
The posts can be anything, of course a lot of it is Christmas related. There are
posts about my trip to London, posts about baking, posts about thoughts that
wandered through my mind, even some posts about something clothes/fashion
related, just for the fun of it.
Now to some favourites of November.
Flow magazine: My mom and I were doing some groceries when we past this
magazine. Immediately we were drawn to it, although we didn’t buy it right
away. It wasn’t until a couple of days later that we gave in. The magazine is
full of pretty pages, sparks your inspiration and provides tons of ideas to be
creative. I love to just flip through it and read the many interesting articles.
Definitely going to buy one of these again.
Pyjama pants: It wasn’t like I was on the hunt for a pair of these, I just
happen to come across it in the H&M. And they were so soft, it was then I imagine
myself in them on boxing day when watching films. I definitely wanted them now
and that’s why I bought them.
It wasn’t a bad thing to come home too after an exhausting trip to London. The
4 days that was left in November I have left in these pants and to be honest, I
would like to be wearing it every day from now on, but that would be a waist of
all the pretty clothes in my closet.
Harry Potter journal:I bought this when
I was in London.
I’m a massive fan of Harry Potter and Notebooks, and am a Gryffindor. Those
three combined you get this notebook that ready to be filled with my adventures.
Persephone books: The exact explanation for why I love it so much, you will find in day 3 of my london experience. But what I can tell you is that when I'm in London again, I most definitely will go back to this bookshop. I do recommend this to all booklovers out there who happen to be in London. address: 59 Lamb's Conduit Street, London, WC1N 3NB Persephone books
I know that most
of the trees already lost their leaves and that autumn is almost over.
Christmas is only so many weeks away, but I had this footage of my favourite
tree. I just love the way its leaves turn, like a rainbow. It’s my favourite
tree in autumn and this tree in particular won’t be here next year as by then a
chicken shed is built. And that’s why, even though it has no leaves, no more, I
wanted to share it with you.
The weather
has definitely gone colder, which means autumn has arrived and winter will
follow. The leaves had turned different colours, some trees even lost them already.
I love it.
Things have started to go better again and look brighter, nobody is in the
hospital anymore (although the recovery will take months). Of course, this
doesn’t mean there’s nothing that triggers my anxiety or OCD, but the things
that do are on a more positive note. At the end of November I will
be in London for a couple of days, which is incredibly excited. Although I feel
just as anxious, perhaps even more, about it. I will go together with my
grandmother, aunt and cousin. The fact that I feel extremely nervous about it
will just be prove that this trip is perfect as an exposure to help me to get
rid (to live with) my OCD and anxiety.
Now on to
the favourites that I have:
Sweater, Asos: I
figured that after last year, it turned out I was lacking warm and cozy
clothing that I could wear on a regular base and wanted to be seen in outside, I
needed to look for warm sweaters. And that’s what I did, the first thing I found
was this orange one from Asos. And it quickly became the most cozy and
comfortable item in my closet. It feels like a constant hug, tight and warm
around you. I love the fit and the way the two slits on the sides look.
Burts bees,
replenishing: Perfect when the weather gets colder and your lips dryer.
Chocolate mud face mask, Hema: (the mask in the picture is not the mask I’m
talking about, but that one has run out and I still wanted to give you an idea
what the packaging is like). As everything was really stressful and hectic, my
skin gone crazy. It was irritating, breaking out everywhere and in need of some
extra care. This facemask did an amazing job. After rinsing it off my skin felt
clean but not dry, just really comfortable. Definitely going to repurchase. And
when you wear it you will be surrounded by the smell of chocolate.
